This Thanksgiving I created a calendar for 2018. My brother-in-law always has a theme for every year, so I stupidly decided to title my calendar "The Year of Bravery!"
Why is this stupid?
Well, because it sounds nice, but in reality who wants to be brave. It is hard, stressful, and scary.
My calendar took it literally....
Day One back from Thanksgiving we found out the baby will be a boy.
Day Two back... Shane got laid off from work.
What an emotional roller coaster! Many things are in motion now as we decide how to proceed. It is amazing how the world changes tint and I notice the pain in other people that are also struggling with instability. How did I not sympathize or notice the pain before? I am grateful for the understanding I am gaining. I keep being in awe of those that are brave around me: children in our primary asked to bare their testimony that can barely walk up to the podium out of fear, but they do slowly manage to step up and hold a photo while their mother helps them full fill the task. So many brave people in so many ways!
Drawing on the strength of those examples around me I have had courage to apply for VIPKID and demonstrate my teaching ability in the interview process. Lots of fear- can I do this while pregnant- while life feels so unsteady. While in college I mentored a freshman who had applied for 12 jobs and been denied. He came to me wanting guidance, and I doubt I helped him as much as his experiences have helped me to take chances and not give up this month.
One particular day I felt stressed and decided to look up the affects of stress on an unborn baby. Don't google it. If you are not stressed at that point.... you will now be stressed about trying not to be stressed for sure.
In the Book of Mormon there is a family that follows the Lord out of their home and through the wilderness and arrive at a beautiful place that is called the Land of Bountiful. There they had their needs met and they were happy. But then the Lord told them to build ships and cross a huge ocean to a promised better land. I know God is aware of our circumstances and that everything will be okay as we are called to move forward through good and bad, but with change comes a feeling of loss for the life we did have. It is important to appreciate the life situations in the moment and then move on when needed with BRAVERY.
Even with all of these new ways of thinking and blessings that have come out of this stress....
I still think I will think more carefully next year when I make the calendar...
"The Year of Rest! The Year of Slothfulness! The Year of Partying"?!! -Something along those lines.
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