I graduated with a class of fourteen. Fourteen of the same people in every progressive class until high school when several of my elective classes had three students. We knew everything about each other. But, I feel like I was conditioned to not be all of me when I was taught to check God and testimony at the door.
In elementary school I remember answering a question about who is the oldest person who ever lived? Well scripture has several extreme examples and I was excited to top the other answers. I remember feeling shame as my answers were brushed away and even mocked and I was asked to be quiet. Something I knew as truth was discarded and I was forced to submit in silence. (What an opportunity this would have been for him to say yes you have a unique perspective on this write me a paragraph on this and we will discuss it later.)
Seeking to answer in an acceptable way became a pattern. How do I explain this to them in a way they can understand?
In high school English we had to create books about anything. I studied the word of God from modern prophets and outlined their doctrine. When my teacher asked what my collection was I said, "A collection of quotes that I like." I had learned to keep my life separate. This was safe for me and less awkward for them. It made it so I didn't share my passion. I didn't share what really motivated me and my priorities. When these things are hidden people miss knowing you and you miss out on being challenged and growing.
In high school sports I remember the coach yelling at me," If you can't lead this team we will put someone in that can." I remember her yelling LEAD at me and me yelling to try to motivate my teammates. But really I had no idea how to get people to follow me. I think now that was partly because on a whole I had hid me, at least the parts that connect people. I also think that my coaches and teachers could have better motivated and inspired me if they knew what was important to me. But God is not something to be shared at school. Who told me that I am not sure.
My daughter recently came home from school and told me she is having to write a paragraph with four supporting facts on her favorite holiday. She had chosen Easter and could not come up with a fourth reason. She had three facts like candy, friends, parties. I asked her why she did not have anything like the fact that Christ was resurrected making it possible to overcome death and live with God and our families forever. You know the real reason we celebrate and not just bunnies. Her response, "Well, mom it is for school." I let it go because I knew what she meant. Some how she has received the same notion that it is better to be two people. This has me sad mostly for others who may never fully know her.
Some people may think it should be easier to exclude God. But most decisions I make are founded on my beliefs. Even like how much time I will spend exercising, or how clean I will keep my house. It is all based on trying to be the best discipline of Christ that I can.
True- I am more than just my religion,
but I do not know how to separate it, because my religion is me.
I wish there was a way to make people feel accepted and comfortable sharing beliefs. I am not talking about forcing everyone to say the pledge of allegiance. Forcing people to say under God when they do not believe it is the same as dismissing my belief in a God. I remember before a volleyball game our coach gathering the team for a prayer that felt forced, and I felt bad for those who I knew did not desire to do that.
Let me share this experience that is still a prominent memory. It was the night before State Volleyball and I was in a hotel room with three other players. It was completely dark and I never felt more seen and accepted. An upperclassman asked me to lead our apartment in a prayer to help us prepare for what tomorrow would bring. Everyone agreed and the words came naturally. It was a time when I was able to be whole with my friends and complete with myself.
I wish for my children that speaking of religion and beliefs becomes more accepted rather than something to be feared.
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